All of you guys, you have no idea how much your comments mean to me. If other people weren’t in the room I would have started wailing like a crazy person. I truly appreciate and thank you for your encouragement, and yes, it is true that I am not very confident in my drawing ability.
But I want to make a correction: Just because I don’t post my art very often or at all in the case of DA, does NOT mean that I am not drawing. I still draw almost everyday. However, I fear that if I continue to post art online right now, I will start to draw only what’s popular and not what I truly want, since I hardly get any attention from not doing a shitload of fanart and cute and pretty stuff. I have been trying to avoid this for a very long time which is why I guess not a lot of people notice my art but it has become extremely difficult to do this without trying—even subconsciously—to please other people. Yes, the fact that I think my art is not very good may have played a small part in my decision to clean up my DA account, but that was not the point of it. I guess my dilemma is that I want to draw to express myself and who I am, and not care about what other people think, but at the same time, part of me desires deeply to have others acknowledge and appreciate what I do. I know it’s a bit shallow, this want for attention. Sometimes I beat myself up for it (of course it doesn’t really get better).
Ultimately I want to be able to draw what I think, want, and imagine, and at the same time to have others discover the kind of person that I am through my art. With my level of skill and the style that I draw in right now I think that most people ignore my efforts because my pictures simply look too cliche. I have not developed the creativity and technical skill to make something that properly expresses my own inner world while being unique and interesting to others. Which is why I need to stay as far away as possible from trying to draw for the sake of people. That, for me, means not posting art for favourites or notes which I somehow always end up doing whenever I upload something. That is why I cleared up my DA account.
I guess that’s the end of my very first rant on tumblr.